by K. Mylvaganam, October 17, 2004
sangam.org/articles/view2/605.html
I wrote in my earlier insertion that I was giving classes for the boys and girls in the LTTE cadre. This has enabled me to get to know them quite well. With time they, too, are more relaxed with me, unlike the reservations they exhibited at the beginning. ,I do not blame them for it, as they just cannot afford to take anyone into their confidence in a hurry, especially after the recent incidents in the East. Besides, I am given access to remotely-situated camps and I, therefore, do condone the precautionary and security measures adopted by them. ,I am sure they had me checked out and this has taken some time.
Now I can feel a relaxed atmosphere amongst those participants and this helps them to concentrate more in their lessons. ,I get them to do some homework every day and they are prompt to fulfil it without giving any excuses whatsoever. I am really surprised that they find the time to do their homework, despite their working 10 to 12 hours daily on all the seven days of the week, and they do the homework quite willingly. No one has so far complained that they are overworked. And they are prepared to do more if and when asked for. In college hostels and in the University halls I know of, there occur rifts among the students. But nothing of that nature is observed here. I was able to see a family atmosphere in all the camps I visited. It is amazing to see how much they care for each other.
One day I asked them to write an essay on a subject that had touched them most. All of them complied, except one. I neither asked him why nor did he give any explanation.
I thought he might have been too busy to find the time for the essay. When the others read their essays I was very impressed by their different experiences and I realised how those experiences had hardened them. Each one of those essays is sure to find its way to the book I propose to release in the future. When the class dispersed for the day everyone left except the one who did not do his homework. He stayed behind and asked me whether I could spare another 15 minutes with him alone. When I nodded, he said that he would like to read for me his essay. Let me call him Cholan for purposes of keeping his identity a secret. He is nearly thirty years of age, I guess, very stoutly built, with a very pleasing personality. He has been in the movement for over 12 years. It is very impressing to see him ride his motorbike with elegance. There is always a soft smile on his face and he possessed a pleasant disposition. He has a very captivating personality.
When he took his book in his hand I was able to see a change in his face. His facial muscles stiffened. There was a sort of seriousness creeping onto him. He was quiet for a few seconds. I noticed him biting his lips before he shook his head and apologised for his momentary silence. I knew he was emotional.
The heading of Cholan’s essay was “The Saddest Day In My Life.” His father succumbed to one of those indiscriminate bombings by the Sri Lankan air force in 1989. He was only fifteen then and he was the only child to his parents. Hence, the burden of the family fell on his young shoulders. He gave up schooling, even though he was considered a bright student and had won several prizes in his school competitions. He started to work in a hotel nearby mainly doing cleaning and odd jobs. His boss was a very unkind person and often yelled at him. But he had to stomach it, as it was not easy for a fifteen year old to get job near his place of residence. This enabled him to give his mother also a helping hand at home after his return from work. In 1990 an artillery shell fell very close to their house and his mother was severely injured in that incident. He had to leave the job, as his boss would not grant him leave to be with his mother at the hospital. For Cholan his mother was all that he possessed. He loved her very dearly. He mentioned in his essay that his happiest moments were when he placed his head on his mothers lap and got her to knead through his hair. He said that he had often fallen asleep in that position. That was the best memorable moments in his life, he wrote. When his mother was completely cured, he had to leave her to fulfil his ambition to take revenge over his father’s demise and the injury caused to his mother. He felt that it was his duty to punish those who were responsible for those horrendous actions. One day he enrolled himself into the LTTE cadre.
Now Cholan paused for a moment before he continued. His mother was very upset by this. She had lost her dear husband before and now parting from her only child was too much for her. Cholan consoled her that he would return to her after he had fulfilled his desire. He told her that he had to do it for his father’s sake. However, he has been visiting his mother quite regularly and, lately, her pressure on him to return was mounting. Finally, he promised her that he would return once the north is taken over from the enemies. But that did not satisfy her. Hence, he gave her another promise that he would return after participating in one more major battle. But he did not divulge any details of the battle to come. The battle he had in mind was the fight for the E’Pass camp. He played an important role in this battle and, even though he was seriously wounded, he was over the moon when they conquered the E’Pass camp. This was not only because they had won a great historical victory, but also for the reason that he could now fulfil the promise he made to his mother and get back to her to look after her and be with her forever. But he could not go immediately after the battle as he was under treatment for his injuries. Actually, he was unconscious for three days. On the fourth day he was driven home only to hear that his mother had passed away on the day the E’Pass camp fell. She had died of a severe heart attack.
Now I understood why his essay was titled as “My Saddest Day Was When the E’Pass Camp Fell.” I wondered to hear him read the heading at the start, but it is no irony to me anymore.
I was speechless. I did not know what to say. I held his hands tightly. I felt him shivering. I kneaded through his hair and said, “You may not be with her, but believe me she is with you and will be with you always.” To this he said, “Thank you for saying this, as I had already taken a resolution not to go our house ever in the future. Now that she is with me, there is no need for me to go there anyway.” Saying this, he turned away his head from me to hide the tears in his eyes and walked very slowly towards his motorbike.