by K. Mylvaganam; Tamil Circle, published April 13, 2004
We are back in the wilderness of concrete blocks and polluted air from the heavenly atmosphere of Vanni. We had a wonderful time with our people there. The place we put up our house is surrounded with hundreds of our boys and girls from the LTTE. They pop in for a chat eager to know what the Tamil Diaspora has to say about their activities. At the same time we got the greatest opportunity to get them relate to us their personal experiences. At times it was very thrilling, just as watching a Western movie, to hear the blood-chilling experiences of theirs. At times some of them get stuck for words with emotions when they start relating their experiences witnessing their close friends getting hurt, killed or blown to pieces. He or she was alive talking, firing and running one second earlier, but no more a second later. We listened to their experiences with mixed feelings.
When some of them broke down, we hugged them and let them pour their feelings out. We thought it was best they got it out of their system. Or would they ever, I wonder? Probably they needed a fatherly and motherly figure like us to cast or share their sorrows.
To give one particular example I may cite the story of 22 year old Vinn Malar (Flower in Sky). What a beautiful name. She was involved in the fight at Vettilaikerny. By her side was Arasan, her senior. She referred to him always with respect as Arasanna. I was able to see the admiration and the respect she has for him from the way she mentioned his name. It looked like as if he was a model for her in several aspects. She said he was honest, strict but kind, intelligent and she went on adding more adjectives. He was a Guru at the training sessions and a hard disciplinarian. Arasan was in the Jaffna University studying mathematics as his major.
But after the army rolled into Jaffna in 1995 he could not bear to see the atrocities committed by them on the innocent civilians. When he came to know that his neighbour’s daughter was abducted by the army and was later found dead on the road after being raped, he could not take it any more. However, he did not run away from home without telling his parents. Instead he got the blessings of his parents and joined the LTTE. He seems to have confided to Vinn Malar that he did have a crush on that girl (name not divulged for obvious reasons) but insisted that they were not lovers in the normal sense, as he did not have the opportunity or the courage to tell her his feelings. For him she was not only pretty but also strict and very studious. She was also in the University doing Fine Arts. He used to curse himself for not having divulged his admiration for her. Vinn Malar said he always used the words “Admiration” and “Respect” whenever he spoke about her. He never said that he was in love with her. But Vinn Malar was not very sure about that.
At Vettilaikerni their group was ordered to attack. They started running towards the enemy. She was running behind Arasan. Suddenly an artillery shell fired by the army fell very close to them and she was temporarily blinded by its blast. She was not sure whether she was thrown down by the blast or she tripped and fell just prior to that moment. When she got up she saw Arasan in a pool of blood, his face was completely disfigured. She could not identify him any more but he was still breathing and was murmuring “Annai, Annai.” She held him by his hand and cried aloud “Aiyo Arasanna don’t go”. But he passed away quickly. Vinn Malar, after narrating this, could not go further. She started sobbing for some time. My wife hugged her tightly and she too was crying. On the following day Vinn Malar took us to the Maveerar Thuyilum Illam for us to pay our respects to Arasan.
I saw tears on the eyes of my wife when she put the flowers on his grave, but surprisingly Vinn Malar was unmoved. She stood there rigidly and completely absorbed. Her eyes were focussed on his grave. It seemed to me as if she was in communication with him in her own way. Later she bent down, touched his grave very gently and put her fingers on her own eyes. After a few moments of silence she said, “I was lucky to have had an Anna like Arasanna. I can feel his presence every time I visit him here.”
There are so many stories that rendered our heart when we heard them from those children. What a sacrifice and what a dedication we pondered. For them the leader Mr.Pirabakaran is a Godly figure. Quite a few of those we spoke to have had the opportunity of seeing him at a distance under varying circumstances. And whenever they relate those moments they seem to be in a trance.
The admiration they have for him cannot be expressed in words. It is an experience to see them talk about it and their body language tells the rest of their feelings at that time. It looked as if they relive those wonderful moments.
For us talking to those boys and girls itself was an experience and soul satisfying.
https://sangam.org/ANALYSIS/Mylavaganam_5_16_03.htm
https://sangam.org/events/Mylavagam_5_19_03.htm
Trip To Vanni – Section I of Part III – Ilankai Tamil Sangam
Trip to Vanni, Section II of Part III – Ilankai Tamil Sangam